My hero ~*~Stevie Nicks ~*~

#oldtimefavorite #female #vocalist #memories #landslide “Time makes you bolder” #Landslide

Beauty if not in the eye of the beholder, is always in the heart of a mother!

 

 

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As a mother it is very difficult to get the 3:30 am calls from a child away from home. One of despair, where she is struggling to find her place in this world. When she feels she can’t simply fit into her surroundings and just wants to give up! What is a mother to do? The only thing she can do, tell her how much she loves her and how very proud she is of her. That she is beautifully and uniquely made, and an original Mercado Clan Warrior!

Further you can only warn her about those men that just cannot handle a well made women. A women of ethics, intelligence, beauty and independence.  So many times she feels she has fallen short. Not true, she is so young and cannot grasp the ability to realize she is formed in the way God has made her and she IS enough… Just because they do not take the time to see it, does not mean she is not a beautiful young women with a bright future in front of her. Or maybe they do see it, and it frightens them?  Sometimes the hazy reflections are created by the deep seated insecurities of the viewer. Not instituted by the world’s view of you. Be strong, know that you have the ability to SURVIVE this too!

This young lady has made me so proud, the first of the family to pursue a PHD! Just because one comes from a broken home and tragic upbringing does not mean you are not capable of making a worthy life. One in which you can look back on and be proud that you made the right decisions,  no matter how painful the journey has been. When you can pick yourself up after the world continuously knocks you down, you are well made and a survivor! Never stop trying!!!  Natosha, I love you so much and you are worthy, it is NOT you!!!! You are and always will be beautiful to me, I love you!!

A Prose for  my darling daughter~

There is no love like that of a mother for her child.

There is no pain that cuts deeper than that of a mother, hurting for her child.

There is no amount of worry more troublesome then that of a mother for a child in despair.

There are no words to describe disconnect a mother feels after a 3 am call, when she cannot find the right ways to lift up her child from the clutches of depression.

There is no fear greater than that of a mother who is helpless in helping when she is needed.

There is no greater regret than that of a mother who feels she cannot rescue her child from life’s cruelties.

Because there is no love like a mothers love for her child,  she can only pray for contentment and protection over her child.

~*~ It is an insurmountable ache for a mother when a child feels they are not good enough to be loved~*~

Life is so short, please always express to your family and close friends how much they mean to you and how lucky you are to know them….. Life is a winding road, full of choices, we all have regrets. Just do your best! Being a mother is a beautiful thing, but it is never easy!!!!

 

#bipolar #mentalhealth #youaregoodenough #daughters #motherslove #youarebeauitful #depressionisreal #brightfuture #iloveyou #lifeandtimes #familyfirst  #godislove

Book cover choices… hoo hum!

Good Lord am I having a hard time!!  Trying to pick a book cover for my first ever book (short story) that is being published !!!!! Yeah! Im taken back going through my online photos, they are all putting a smile in my heart. I realize I have lived such a full, beautiful life. God has truly blessed me every step of the way.  As my daughter Natosha told me on the phone tonight.

Mom you only have to “Acknowledge” that regrets in life exist, but then you have to move on…. 

WOW, was that powerful and I really needed to hear that this evening.   Many of these photos were of my wedding on 8/3/2013   An immense time of great turbulence and regret in my life……  and then I realize the summation of every road I have traveled has brought me to this junction in life, right here, right now, at 46, where I can say I am happier than I have ever been!! Finally living my true dream of writing and selling photography.   Sure I have been a Realtor for 17 years and I LOVE that job. But I know there is more to life than always pleasing everybody else.  It’s due time for me to do what I love and enjoy and make a few bucks while at it.   I have had the best month in Real Estate ever since I began this business venture in 2000.   I am all set to get through the winter months, with the ability to pay my bills and sustain the farm!  I have decided I will take this down time to work on getting some of my work published and I am so EXCITED to see where it can go.   Ha ha ha, just like me getting side tracked, I merely wanted to share a picture I found of me and the kids in Pittsburgh, that I love it’s full of personality.  So here you go:3 amigos (2)

I have to get back to work on a book cover!!!!  I hope you all are chasing down the dream that makes your heart soar. Don’t invest the years that I have in only pleasing everyone else. Please for the sake of God, do what you love and keep at it until you succeed…  Promise me!!!!  #Ugotthis   To the grammer natzis out there, I will not apologize for my grammar or  flow here. I jotted this down in 10 minutes….  Just a few thoughts, raw, unedited….    Love you guys and thanks for your support in reading and commenting on my blogs!!!  Back to work I go!!!!

~*~Bam~*~

#memories #pictures #natosha #blessedlife #myjourney #writer #lover #fighter @thoughtcatalog #thoughtcatalog

A Mother’s Love~

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Becoming a mother is a choice, some women make the decision early in life that they do not want to have children.  That’s fine it is a choice. For me I could not even imagine not being a mother.  From the time I was 11 or 12, I dreamt of having my own children, lots of them!   I do think it stems from losing my mother at a very young age.  I wanted the ability to provide for my children what I was lacking growing up by not having my mom around.  The lord graced me with my first son at the age of 19, sure I was young but Nicks birth literally saved my life.  I was on the wrong road in life, full of bad decisions. I had been in and out of Jail a few times.  I had been a runaway, school drop out, messed up in drugs and the wrong relationships with men.

Over the course of the next 17 years I had live births to 3 more beautiful little souls. Natosha, Gracie and Elijah John! I love each and every one of them in a very different way.  Today I want to talk about Elijah. He is my miracle boy. He is the youngest and my only blue eyed towhead! Just him being here today is a blessing, had I listened to the Dr. back on that cold January day in 2008 and went home as he instructed me, Elijah would have died in my womb.  Your mother has probably taught you about that “Gut-Feeling” growing up.  ALWAYS pay attention to that sense, it’s true.  I call it the holy Spirit presence.

I was very adamant with the Dr. telling him there was something wrong and I refused to leave, until they gave me an ultrasound to check on my son.  Last I remembered he became frustrated with me, telling me. ” Every women at 9 months feels what you are feeling, you are fine” I mean he’s the Doctor, he knows every patient follows the same map in pregnancy, right? Wrong!   After he made those comments I requested another obstetrician see me. I wanted nothing more to do with this arrogant man!

After 30 minutes had passed, she swung the door open and sat down next to me. She held my hand and was really listening to me. “Belinda, you feel something is wrong with the baby?” Yes, and I would like an ultra sound to be sure, can you make that happen? please.” Tears streamed down my face as she responded “Yes, I will get it ordered right away.”

In the following hour, through testing and ultrasound, it was discovered that my baby had very little amniotic fluid left. (I had been leaking for some time and never noticed) He would have suffocated, and been stillborn had I not demanded to go against the grain of the health care provider in charge of my care!  I was immediately wheeled off for an emergency C-section, and Elijah John was born into my life….   God’s grace saved him from an eminent demise. I fully believe in my heart, he has a special purpose here on earth.  I know he has saved me many times with just a simple smile,  a silly little boy joke or just holding my hand and walking with me.

I wonder sometimes, if it had been my first pregnancy and I didn’t know any better, what would have happened in that circumstance had I left and went home……  Always listen to that gut-feeling. Dont assume that every Dr. knows best in every situation, second-guessing could save a life.  Thank you Jesus, for all my beautiful children !!!!

Belinda Ann *

Proud mother of 4…..

(Unedited short kitchen table write)

#motherslove #momsknowbest #mother #son #holyspiritpresence #thankful #christianlife #believer #thankyoujesus #pregnancy #gutfeeling #unconditionallove

meande

 

Kissing Cousins..

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Meet “Pokey” short for Melanie..

In life family is so important, I try my best to spend as much time with them as I can.  Melanie and I formed a close bond back in the early 80’s, it was a time in my life when circumstances were very difficult.  My dad and the rest of my siblings had reasserted a new life after my mom passed away and moved to Texas. I choose to stay in Michigan with my Uncle Jim and Aunt Eleanor.  (ugh I am supposed to be at Jim’s wedding in Traverse City right NOW, just wasn’t up to it, shhhhhh!)  Any whooo I lived with the Panek family for 2 years while dad was off finding himself again as a single father in the valley.

Sure we had hard times, we fought, we loved, we made up…. It was a time in life when I was trying to figure where I belonged, fit in yano.   I always knew I was different and the 2 years I spent with my cousins taught me a lot about what family is AND isn’t!   I will tell you what it isn’t…  You don’t shove your niece in the food pantry and call it a bedroom.  You don’t keep your nieces support check every month and spend it on yourself and not her needs. You don’t withhold phone calls from her father to make her think she has been abandoned.  You don’t supply Christmas gifts from the clearance rack for her while making her watch your kids open high end extravagant gifts.  You don’t keep her isolated from her friends, thinking you know best. You don’t deny her grief counseling for the loss of her mother, while you get your hair and nails done with her support check….. So much more that happened that just furthered my ache for my dad to return and rescue me….. He did yano in 1984, I was so appreciative for his return and the reuniting with my core family…

Even though it was very difficult to be separated from my dad and siblings.  I always looked up to Melanie and found myself sharing all my secrets with her. I remember our afternoon chats on her bed surrounded by all these “Peanut Gang” stuffed animals, her overly large Snoopy was my favorite. I told him many secrets too… I am grateful to have had the time to bond with her, it wasn’t perfect trust me!!!   But I always liked her the best, she understood me and I needed that connection with someone.

As we grew into adults and lived separate lives her in Colorado me between Michigan and Florida.  I always thought of her fondly and missed her.  Years passed she and I both married and started a family, rare occasion that we would speak. The distance was great and our bond had faded. It was mere tragedy that reconnected us years later when her mother was killed in an accident.  We now walked common ground again, both of us had lost our mothers in some strange waking it reconnected us.  I remember running into Uncle Jim and my cousin Jason in the Home depot and they told me what had happened with Eleanor.  I didn’t want to attend the funeral for personal reasons, but I DID want to reach out to Melanie in her loss.   That’s when we found each other again, I am so thankful, damn I missed her.

Here we are now 2017 and she has come back to Michigan after living in Florida and Colorado for the past 27 years..  I am just so happy to have her here, family is the glue that holds me together in the worst of times I can ALWAYS count on them. Don’t ever forgot your roots or the way you were shaped by life experiences, making you YOU!  Always appreciate the good and the bad, hold dear and close that which means the most too you.   For me it will ALWAYS be family 🙂

 

#Familyfirst #kissingcousins #lifeandtimes #writing #memories